How can ‘mother’ be a sexist stereotype?
Carolyn Moynihan
4 Jun 2010
While most Europeans worry their heads off about what is happening to the euro and the economy, certain members of the European political bureaucracy are getting on with more important things. Like drafting long resolutions about how to combat gender stereotypes in the media and having even longer meetings to get their ideas endorsed.
Let me say, straight off, that there are media stereotypes that undermine women’s dignity and in some cases are downright insulting. Why, for example, does the weather girl -- I should say female weather person -- on my local television network always, always, summer and winter, appear with half her chest exposed, unless it is to add sex appeal to what is an intrinsically boring segment of the news hour? Since her male counterpart is always well covered up (and still more interesting to listen to) we have to conclude that the value of a woman announcer is her sexuality, not her personality, let alone her expertise.
Read the rest of the article here.
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label mothering. Show all posts
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Becoming a Woman of Influence: The Case of Cookie Bakers
Becoming a Woman of Influence: The Case for Cookie Bakers
From Christianworldviewnetwork.com Oct. '07
The headline on a news story this week read, “Laura Bush Not 'Baking Cookies.'” The article detailed the First Lady's increasing involvement in national and international issues, and the headline referred to Hillary Clinton's now famously sneering reference to the fact that she wasn't the type to “stay home and bake cookies.” A local women's college in our area has a billboard campaign that shows the face of a woman with the words, “Become a woman of influence.” Apparently, going to college is the path to power and influence for women. For several generations now, the prevailing belief has been that those women who want to be of some consequence in life had better drop the cookie dough, leave the babies behind and head for the work force. This fallacy has done incalculable damage to the family and most specifically, to the young children of our land.
If the observation that the “hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” is correct, the world is being ruled today by an ever changing army of low paid daycare workers. The tender nurture of one's own offspring is now viewed as unsavory work that should be outsourced to strangers as soon as possible. Once, women outsourced their laundry or their house cleaning. Today, we send the children out for daily care. Entire generations have grown up in day time orphanages where the vast majority of their day is spent without their mothers. It is little surprise that America's children are not doing well. In the book, Home Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Daycare, Behavioral Drugs and Other Parent Substitutes, author Mary Eberstadt details the fact that America's children and teenagers are dealing with a tidal wave of issues virtually unknown to early generations, including alarming childhood obesity rates, eating disorders, ADD and ADHD, self-harming, alcohol and drug use, sexual promiscuity as lifestyle, venereal disease and suicide. She points out that if the public debate ever shifted from what is best for mothers to what is best for children, there would be no debate over whether mothers of young children should pursue full-time careers outside the home. What is best for children should be obvious to everyone—the care of their own mothers.
In recent years, educators beginning with preschool teachers have observed a radical change in the seriousness of behavioral issues of the young children they deal with. Children, raised in a pack from their earliest childhood and socialized with their peers rather than loving adults in a home setting, are exhibiting shockingly anti-social behavior. Ironically, the push for greater “socialization” of babies and toddlers with their own peers has produced the reverse affect in children---anti-social behavior. The notion of a child being expelled from daycare or preschool for violent behavior would have seemed absurd at one time. It is now commonplace as little ones who have had to grow up in a “Lord of the Flies”, survival of the fittest setting from earliest babyhood have developed aggressive behavioral traits to protect their own turf. If mother is not there to look out for you, even small children understand early on that they are their own best protection, and biting, kicking and hitting are the frequent result. Deprived of the strong bonding with their mother, these weakly attached children are then labeled as behavioral problems at an early age and tagged for behavioral drugs in order for teachers to be able to handle them down the road in school.
With this reality staring Americans in the face, why do mothers persist in believing the media perpetuated lie that real women of influence aren't home baking cookies, but are out dragon slaying in the business world? Why are women now systematically trained to deny their nurturing instincts as mothers and taught to adopt masculine characteristics of aggression in order to be deemed a “success” in society? As I asked in an earlier column, why are so few couples committed to making financial plans that enable mothers to stay home to care for their babies? I believe with all my heart that God instilled in the hearts of females the desire to nurture and care for others. It is part of what makes womanhood a beautiful thing. The modern feminist movement rejects God's plan and His design in creation and subverts what womanhood is all about. America's babies are the poorer for it.
Motherhood is far more than changing diapers and baking cookies. It is the job of a master weaver. We as mothers daily weave the fabric of our children's lives. For babies and young children, mothers are the sun around which their world revolves. Every diaper change for a baby is a chance for eye contact that builds trust and love between mother and infant. It's not about diapers. It's about a child's world. To those who accept and love God's design for motherhood, it is a precious and sacred thing to look into those beautiful baby eyes. The bond of trust and love that mothers build through daily care is the bedrock foundation for that child's lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. For mothers and fathers who are tempted by the siren song of a bigger house, a better car, and more disposable income, walk carefully. Make sure that whatever decisions you make for your family's income, that you at all costs don't interrupt the work of the weaver of your children's lives.
The handwriting on my Mother's Day card was the typical, awkward writing of a ten-year-old boy. The note was decorated with a drawing of a flower comprised of hearts. This is what my son wrote, unedited.
Mom,
Your (sic) the absolute best mother in the whole world! Thank you for all your hard work, patience and love. You are the most important part of the whole universe. You make people! Have a happy Mom's Day!
Love,
William
The bold letter emphasis is mine. Young William knows what all the hard-bitten feminist experts and authors will never admit. Mothers are women of profound influence. They make people. With every batch of cookies, with every story time, with every bath, a human being is being formed. That, my women friends, is true power.
From Christianworldviewnetwork.com Oct. '07
The headline on a news story this week read, “Laura Bush Not 'Baking Cookies.'” The article detailed the First Lady's increasing involvement in national and international issues, and the headline referred to Hillary Clinton's now famously sneering reference to the fact that she wasn't the type to “stay home and bake cookies.” A local women's college in our area has a billboard campaign that shows the face of a woman with the words, “Become a woman of influence.” Apparently, going to college is the path to power and influence for women. For several generations now, the prevailing belief has been that those women who want to be of some consequence in life had better drop the cookie dough, leave the babies behind and head for the work force. This fallacy has done incalculable damage to the family and most specifically, to the young children of our land.
If the observation that the “hand that rocks the cradle rules the world” is correct, the world is being ruled today by an ever changing army of low paid daycare workers. The tender nurture of one's own offspring is now viewed as unsavory work that should be outsourced to strangers as soon as possible. Once, women outsourced their laundry or their house cleaning. Today, we send the children out for daily care. Entire generations have grown up in day time orphanages where the vast majority of their day is spent without their mothers. It is little surprise that America's children are not doing well. In the book, Home Alone America: The Hidden Toll of Daycare, Behavioral Drugs and Other Parent Substitutes, author Mary Eberstadt details the fact that America's children and teenagers are dealing with a tidal wave of issues virtually unknown to early generations, including alarming childhood obesity rates, eating disorders, ADD and ADHD, self-harming, alcohol and drug use, sexual promiscuity as lifestyle, venereal disease and suicide. She points out that if the public debate ever shifted from what is best for mothers to what is best for children, there would be no debate over whether mothers of young children should pursue full-time careers outside the home. What is best for children should be obvious to everyone—the care of their own mothers.
In recent years, educators beginning with preschool teachers have observed a radical change in the seriousness of behavioral issues of the young children they deal with. Children, raised in a pack from their earliest childhood and socialized with their peers rather than loving adults in a home setting, are exhibiting shockingly anti-social behavior. Ironically, the push for greater “socialization” of babies and toddlers with their own peers has produced the reverse affect in children---anti-social behavior. The notion of a child being expelled from daycare or preschool for violent behavior would have seemed absurd at one time. It is now commonplace as little ones who have had to grow up in a “Lord of the Flies”, survival of the fittest setting from earliest babyhood have developed aggressive behavioral traits to protect their own turf. If mother is not there to look out for you, even small children understand early on that they are their own best protection, and biting, kicking and hitting are the frequent result. Deprived of the strong bonding with their mother, these weakly attached children are then labeled as behavioral problems at an early age and tagged for behavioral drugs in order for teachers to be able to handle them down the road in school.
With this reality staring Americans in the face, why do mothers persist in believing the media perpetuated lie that real women of influence aren't home baking cookies, but are out dragon slaying in the business world? Why are women now systematically trained to deny their nurturing instincts as mothers and taught to adopt masculine characteristics of aggression in order to be deemed a “success” in society? As I asked in an earlier column, why are so few couples committed to making financial plans that enable mothers to stay home to care for their babies? I believe with all my heart that God instilled in the hearts of females the desire to nurture and care for others. It is part of what makes womanhood a beautiful thing. The modern feminist movement rejects God's plan and His design in creation and subverts what womanhood is all about. America's babies are the poorer for it.
Motherhood is far more than changing diapers and baking cookies. It is the job of a master weaver. We as mothers daily weave the fabric of our children's lives. For babies and young children, mothers are the sun around which their world revolves. Every diaper change for a baby is a chance for eye contact that builds trust and love between mother and infant. It's not about diapers. It's about a child's world. To those who accept and love God's design for motherhood, it is a precious and sacred thing to look into those beautiful baby eyes. The bond of trust and love that mothers build through daily care is the bedrock foundation for that child's lifetime of emotional, physical and spiritual well-being. For mothers and fathers who are tempted by the siren song of a bigger house, a better car, and more disposable income, walk carefully. Make sure that whatever decisions you make for your family's income, that you at all costs don't interrupt the work of the weaver of your children's lives.
The handwriting on my Mother's Day card was the typical, awkward writing of a ten-year-old boy. The note was decorated with a drawing of a flower comprised of hearts. This is what my son wrote, unedited.
Mom,
Your (sic) the absolute best mother in the whole world! Thank you for all your hard work, patience and love. You are the most important part of the whole universe. You make people! Have a happy Mom's Day!
Love,
William
The bold letter emphasis is mine. Young William knows what all the hard-bitten feminist experts and authors will never admit. Mothers are women of profound influence. They make people. With every batch of cookies, with every story time, with every bath, a human being is being formed. That, my women friends, is true power.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Womanly Dominion
This is from a blog I often check-in on. Check it out sometime: http://sahmissionary.blogspot.com/
Saturday, November 07, 2009
As I Prepare....
...for speaking this next week, I have come across such great Scripture and inspiration in the book, Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski. It is a great book! Here's a great quote:"I know that some jobs don't really count, don't make much of a difference, don't actually matter that much, don't have much lasting significance. Not so with mothering. I know that in some jobs the worker is only handling cleaning equipment, or car parts, or computer keyboards, or insurance policies, or court cases, or political legislation, or stockholders' funds. Not so with mothering. A mother is handling things of a far greater magnitude. She's handling never-dying souls. She's daily conducting heart surgery on eternal spirits whose forever destinies are influenced most profoundly by the hands that rock their cradles, wipe their noses, spank their fannies, open their Bibles, prepare their after-school snacks, and turn off their bedroom lights. Those motherly hands are molding characters which will become men and women who will turn the world upside down either for good or for evil. Now that's a job that counts. " Womanly Dominion, page 108-109
What do you think? If you are a mother, do you feel like it counts this much?
Saturday, November 07, 2009
As I Prepare....
...for speaking this next week, I have come across such great Scripture and inspiration in the book, Womanly Dominion by Mark Chanski. It is a great book! Here's a great quote:"I know that some jobs don't really count, don't make much of a difference, don't actually matter that much, don't have much lasting significance. Not so with mothering. I know that in some jobs the worker is only handling cleaning equipment, or car parts, or computer keyboards, or insurance policies, or court cases, or political legislation, or stockholders' funds. Not so with mothering. A mother is handling things of a far greater magnitude. She's handling never-dying souls. She's daily conducting heart surgery on eternal spirits whose forever destinies are influenced most profoundly by the hands that rock their cradles, wipe their noses, spank their fannies, open their Bibles, prepare their after-school snacks, and turn off their bedroom lights. Those motherly hands are molding characters which will become men and women who will turn the world upside down either for good or for evil. Now that's a job that counts. " Womanly Dominion, page 108-109
What do you think? If you are a mother, do you feel like it counts this much?
Sunday, July 12, 2009
This Women in Ministry Thing
This Women in Ministry Thing
Spring/Summer 2006 Edition
Apr 18 2006
http://www.mfth.org/publication.html?ID=126&pagename=mfthjournal&a=77091851
Before you read this journal, let me say something. I don't have a personal problem with Jill Briscoe or Ann Graham Lotz or Beth Moore or Kay Arthur or any of the rest of the celebrity women Bible teachers. I'm sure they love the Lord - I don't doubt their zeal for a moment. However, I strongly disagree with their ministry lifestyles and how they model such lifestyles for young women. I believe they are wrong and are (though perhaps unintentionally) having a negative influence on the family. I pray for them because their influence is huge and it encourages a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture even if that is not what they mean to do. Though it seems at times that I am a lone voice, and though you may not like what you’re about to read, this is the way I see it.
OK. Everyone relaxed? Now continue reading if you don't mind being challenged:
This whole “women in ministry thing” bugs me to death. I just read, with great disappointment Dallas Theological Seminary’s Veritas publication, Vol. 5, No. 2 April 2005.
Here is Jill Briscoe - the confessing egalitarian that she is – addressing men and dare I say, women, who are preparing for ministry at DTS’ Chafer Chapel on October 20, 2004. I will come back to Jill Briscoe in a moment. But I want to set the stage first.
This issue of women in ministry is very disturbing to me for a number of reasons. The first being I thought Dallas Seminary took the biblical view of women in ministry. My husband received his ThM from said school in 1988. I was busy helping him, keeping our home, raising our two toddler boys, giving birth to our daughter and subsequently our 3rd son. Yes, that would be 4 children in all – yes in seminary – and yes without my seeking employment outside the home and yes, we were determined to do it God’s way. We somehow didn’t think while preparing for a ministry profession we should practice a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture. What a novel thought. Oh, I earned some extra income Proverbs 31-style from the home but neither my husband nor I were willing for me to give up my primary ministry in the home. How could we teach others to obey God if we saw ourselves as “exceptions” during our seminary years? And that brings me back to why the “women in ministry” thing bugs me to death.
I guess I got my first taste of being bugged when a nice older “ministry” lady, during those days came up to me and said, “Someday, when your children are all tucked away, perhaps you can have a ministry too.” I guess, in my ignorance, I thought I was having ministry as I helped my husband, mothered our children, and kept house. Silly me. I had four little children and they seemed to need me. Carl was very busy in seminary and serving as Pastor of Evangelism at a large church, and he had just been asked to head up the Executive Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. And I was quite content teaching the Bible to my children, leading them to Christ, having them as my disciples and doing “ministry” from my kitchen sink, the playground, the supper table, and the back yard. You know, from the home. Didn’t know that this wasn’t real ministry.
I attended a “strategic planning meeting” with Carl in one of the exclusive hotels in Dallas because we were going to start a Bible study for executives and plan evangelistic outreach dinner parties with the “up-and-outers” in the Dallas Community. It was as we walked to the elevator after the meeting that the woman took my hand in hers and encouraged me to hope for a ministry one day.
She certainly didn’t encourage me as a mother. No – in fact, had I not had deep convictions rooted in Scripture, I might have been tempted to think that what I was doing at home had no ministry significance whatsoever.
See, a woman like me fulfilling her God-given role at home was obviously not ministry according to this older woman and the rest of the Christian world. I was getting the message – though I was not going to give in. The stakes were too high. The only thing that seemed to matter to this Christian “ministry” woman and so many others like her was outside the home. Doing stuff outside the home, ministering to other women – really ministering to anybody other than a husband and children ~ was the only real ministry.
And didn’t I know that I couldn’t learn the Bible by teaching it to my own children or children in my neighborhood or children at church?
That kind of stuff ~ well, that was OK ~ but it was not where the action was. It certainly wasn’t where REAL ministry took place. REAL ministry would happen someday when my children were all tucked away – you know, out of my hair and out of my house.
Hmmm. What that nice older woman didn’t realize was that her words would pierce my heart and further me on my journey to study God’s Word about “women in ministry.”
See, the family can always take the back seat ~ even for the sake of “the call.” You know what they say, “God will take care of the children for the sake of ministry.”
This is the mindset ~ home and family, domestic things, you know things like preparing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, educating the children – all that stuff – is in the way of ministry, those things interfere with your walk with God, and certainly all that stuff gets in the way of fun and personal time.
The mindset in our American Culture, even among believers, is that we must “get rid of” the domestic scene to have ministry.
Hmmm, again. If that’s true, makes me wonder why God spends so much time in His word instructing in these domestic issues.
After all, He is One Who made woman to be a helper suitable for her husband and called her “mother” right in Genesis. He is the Author of Proverbs 31 and showed us how domestic she was and that it should be her husband and children who would call her blessed. At least, they are the ones who should call her blessed.
I guess somewhere along the way, Christian women decided to listen to Betty Friedan and decided they’d rather have the corporate world, or the “real ministry” world, or the girl’s club, or all the women out there call them blessed.
Yet Scripture is oh so clear. God is also the One Who said He wanted young widows to get married, bear children, and keep house in keeping with the role of young women. He is the One Who described a godly older woman as someone who has brought up children and been the wife of one man among other things. He’s the One Who said He wants women to be workers at home and included a laundry list (no pun intended) of 6 other domestic duties in Titus 2:3-5.
And guess who are supposed to teach the women how to do these domestic things? Surprise! Older women. Hmmmm for the third time, I think that’s a tough sell in our day of “ministry women.” Oh the older will clamor to teach all right – they’ll teach like the men – but the list in Titus? Isn’t that a little, um, sexist?
I mean, how can you teach something you’ve never done or that you don’t believe is all that important?
Think about it. If you do women’s ministry God’s way, will you be traveling all over the country (and/or world) consistently leaving the domestic scene? Will you be “put up” in nice hotels and receive per diem for your meals? Will you get top billing with men to whom you are not married?
I don’t think so. And you won’t have a million dollar publishing industry pushing you to an adoring public, you won’t be a celebrity – except to little fans who ask you for more than your autograph and a picture – they want you to read a story. And you certainly won’t have a personal assistant making your appointments and answering your correspondence unless, of course, you train your children to do it and then they will grow up leaving you to fend for yourself. Nope – better employ some other mothers to do those things so you are freed up and they can have “real ministry” too.
And you won’t get to leave your home for extended times of “seclusion” so you can “hear from God” and write Bible studies to tell women how to live in His presence. Imagine that. You’ll have to learn to hear from God and live in His presence while making sandwiches for toddlers who like peanut butter. You’ll have to lunch with a 4-year-old who asks how stars stay in the sky rather than discuss your husband with board members at Starbucks.
You’ll have to settle for a relaxed wardrobe rather than Kate Spade or Prada or Marc Jacobs. You won’t have a stage or bright lights or a worship band unless you count your kitchen table, a few flashlights on a dark night, and kids singing.
You know, I once went to Precept Training Institute or whatever it is that they call it. I was a young pastor’s wife, 31 years old, with 4 small children. The women in our church wanted a women’s Bible study and they asked me to teach it.
I wasn’t really sure if this was the right time of my life to be doing this but I sought the training – I wanted to do it right. I will never forget pulling out of my driveway that Friday night (the training would begin in the evening and last all day on Saturday) and seeing my little boy Grant, who was 2, crying his eyes out. My heart ached. But I was going to be trained for “ministry.” I was told my child would “get over it because this was ministry and it was worth it.” Who propagated that lie? I believe it was Hannah who chose not to go to the feast after Samuel was born and that is exactly the time she exulted God and He recorded it in Scripture for all of us to read. I haven’t regretted too much over the years of raising my children – but that evening leaving Grant is one I do regret.
It wasn’t worth it. And I have to tell you – not once did those older women who led the training speak to me or any other of the young mothers there about seasons of life, about the priority of home and family. Not once did they challenge me about God’s very specific instructions in His Word about the high and holy ministry of home and family. Not once.
Yet that’s exactly what God says the older women are to teach the younger women. That laundry list in Titus doesn’t get top billing at a woman’s ministry conference.
Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area. They seem to see the years of raising a family as something to “get through” till you can get to real ministry. Nice older ministry ladies.
It is so sad.
To further make this point, I read with dismay an article in Christianity Today about Ann Graham Lotz on this very issue. Perhaps you know that at 18, she married Dan Lotz, a dentist and former University of North Carolina basketball star. By 21, she had three children and felt stifled:
"It is just being in a small home and small children, small little toys and small little words, and you just feel trapped," she recalled.
"I wasn't handling it very well. I was losing my temper. I wasn't patient. I wasn't kind. I wasn't loving. I wasn't the kind of mother ... my mother is."
She decided she needed to fix her "relationship with God." When Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh didn't have a Bible study class she could attend, she started one.
I read the article with great sadness as I wondered, “Where were the godly older women in her life who could help her fix her “relationship with God.”
Where were the ones God commanded to help young women know how to biblically love husbands and children? Where were the ones who could help her see home as ministry?
I know where they were – they were listening to the call of Woman Folly. The woman personified in Proverbs who calls out to the naïve, “Turn in here.” Christian women in the 50’s and 60’s listened and neglected the home, the family, and turned to other “gods.” Armed with college degrees, a growing women’s movement, birth control, reproductive freedom and I-don’t-need-a-man mentality; some sought careers, others sought playtime and leisure, while others were bored finding new ways of freeing themselves from responsibility.
All seemed to think home was drudgery. So a young woman is overwhelmed by little children? Find childcare; let someone else raise your little intruders while you fill your life with meaning. One such woman who decided to leave the home for a career was offended when her own father asked, “But who will take care of the children?” Christian women found childcare all right – down at the local conservative church. These women were encouraged by the “Christians” who would provide that “family” environment for the children who only wanted Mama. Some of these women weren’t pursuing careers though and they weren’t out doing all the godless things – no way – they were having Bible study 24/7 while the church daycare or the schools (Christian and public) were raising the children.
SAD.
As my blood boils over such things, I read Jill Briscoe’s article in Veritas. Remember I told you I’d come back to it. And I think you’ll see why. She writes:
“So suddenly I found myself with three kids and my husband gone for 10 months of the year for 10 years, and I had run out. I had become a ministry widow. After a bit, fortunately, I cried out to my “Elijah” – my Elijah was the wife of Major Thomas.
So I went to her, and I remember it took me a long time to swallow my pride and say, ‘I have had it, I am bankrupt; I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m not the good little missionary wife I thought I was. I want my husband back. They think I am a widow every time I go and watch the soccer games. I can’t do it.’
I expected her to take well-worn Bible verses and hit me over the head with them, but she didn’t.”
So – here we have the picture – a young wife and mother seeking an older wife and mother for godly counsel about her life. Good, this is the way it should be . . . but what kind of counsel does Mrs. Thomas give?
“Instead she said, ‘It is hard, isn’t it?’‘It is over ‘hard,’’ I replied.
‘I haven’t got it. Nothing is left.’She looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yes, you have the little pot of oil, Jill.’ Then Mrs. Thomas took a deep breath (and she told me afterward that she took a big risk) and said, ‘I’m going to send you a couple of Bible students tonight, and I want you to go out with the outreach team. You have been shut up in that little lodge with three small children, you are away from everything that is happening, and you haven’t been involved in anything your heart loves.’”
I couldn’t believe it – oh wait – I can believe it. She describes a woman in the home exactly the way satan himself would want.
“Shut up with three small children. (They’re pains, aren’t they?) “Away from everything that is happening.” (Not much to mold and shape in the home – nothing happening there, right?) “Not involved in anything her heart loves.” (Not much to love in the home, either, right?)
first time I read Mrs. Thomas’ reply to this then young woman, I was so angry. I still am. But this explains so much. And it explains why Mrs. Briscoe, years later, could write for www.parsonage.org:
“A mother needs to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.”
Really? I have 5 children and it has been their stimulation, their curiosity, their questions that have kept me fresh and up on things. And my spiritual education? Their questions alone have driven me to God’s Word. Real questions such as: “Who made God? How do the stars stay in the sky, does God glue them?” “What happens to our stuff when we die?” “Will Jesus come to the ground again?” “Before I was born, did you always want a Jordan?” Where was I before I was born?” “Do dogs and cats go to heaven?” “Why does Daddy put people in the water?” “What does God look like?” “Since Jesus lives in our hearts, when we eat food, does it drop on His head?” “How did you know I was lying?”
Intellectual education? "Why did the people leave England? What does infinity mean? I love you infinity times, mommy. Tell me about the Alamo. Explain long division again. Why do people kill babies in their tummies? How did the first people get chicken pox? Why do I have to get shots? Why does the spider’s egg sac look like a paper bag? How come . . . why . . .when . . ."
But didn’t I know, “When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them?”
I thought that was nonsense when my children were little and I think it is even more nonsense today. Frankly, I would rather think, eat, and talk like a lot of children I know ~ childlike wonder, trust, dependence, hope, excitement, ~ rather than some of the adults I know ~ cranky, cynical, distrust, moody, depressed
Jesus’ words ring in my head ~ “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
But didn’t I know that, “Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things?”
What is it that I need to be up on that I can’t be up on if children are around? I should be up on the world and teach my children about the world. Listen, it is and has been through the teaching and instruction of my children, both intellectually and spiritually, that has kept me fresh and up on things.
And lest you think this is the mindset of just Mrs. Briscoe, Mrs. Thomas, Mrs. Moore, and Mrs. Lotz, think again. This is the mindset of thousands of Christian women. I get so many invitations to women’s ministry events for women leaders and NOT ONCE do they teach about the roles for women God has outlined in Scripture. How can they?
Since when did God say that children shut you up, keep you away from all that is happening, and not involved in anything your heart loves? Never, not once. You search all of Scripture and you’ll never find that kind of thought. In fact, you’ll find just the opposite. See, God says that children are fruit of the womb, blessings, rewards, arrows in the hand of a warrior. Oh, Christians will affirm that truth with their lips – but their hearts are very far from it. It’s no wonder God says that young women need to be taught to love their children.
Imagine if another young woman in another time had come to Mrs. Thomas or Mrs. Briscoe or Mrs. Lotz for advice. Would they have said, “You have been shut up in that stable with a small baby, away from everything that is happening and not involved in anything your heart loves?” Would they have encouraged her to seek adult interaction? Would they have indulged her sense of “feeling stifled?” Would they have told her to start a Bible Study and put her child in the Synagogue daycare? Would they have encouraged Mary to find fulfillment somewhere else other than where God had placed her?
I doubt it. But it’s happening all over our nation. Women Bible teachers – women in ministry are giving lousy advice to the next generation. If you’re a young mother – better watch out.
It’s a good thing Mary had Elizabeth. And it’s a good thing Mary knew the Word of God – His word alone quiets the frustrations of a young mother and causes her soul to exult in Him.
And nowadays – that’s all we have.
Spring/Summer 2006 Edition
Apr 18 2006
http://www.mfth.org/publication.html?ID=126&pagename=mfthjournal&a=77091851
Before you read this journal, let me say something. I don't have a personal problem with Jill Briscoe or Ann Graham Lotz or Beth Moore or Kay Arthur or any of the rest of the celebrity women Bible teachers. I'm sure they love the Lord - I don't doubt their zeal for a moment. However, I strongly disagree with their ministry lifestyles and how they model such lifestyles for young women. I believe they are wrong and are (though perhaps unintentionally) having a negative influence on the family. I pray for them because their influence is huge and it encourages a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture even if that is not what they mean to do. Though it seems at times that I am a lone voice, and though you may not like what you’re about to read, this is the way I see it.
OK. Everyone relaxed? Now continue reading if you don't mind being challenged:
This whole “women in ministry thing” bugs me to death. I just read, with great disappointment Dallas Theological Seminary’s Veritas publication, Vol. 5, No. 2 April 2005.
Here is Jill Briscoe - the confessing egalitarian that she is – addressing men and dare I say, women, who are preparing for ministry at DTS’ Chafer Chapel on October 20, 2004. I will come back to Jill Briscoe in a moment. But I want to set the stage first.
This issue of women in ministry is very disturbing to me for a number of reasons. The first being I thought Dallas Seminary took the biblical view of women in ministry. My husband received his ThM from said school in 1988. I was busy helping him, keeping our home, raising our two toddler boys, giving birth to our daughter and subsequently our 3rd son. Yes, that would be 4 children in all – yes in seminary – and yes without my seeking employment outside the home and yes, we were determined to do it God’s way. We somehow didn’t think while preparing for a ministry profession we should practice a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture. What a novel thought. Oh, I earned some extra income Proverbs 31-style from the home but neither my husband nor I were willing for me to give up my primary ministry in the home. How could we teach others to obey God if we saw ourselves as “exceptions” during our seminary years? And that brings me back to why the “women in ministry” thing bugs me to death.
I guess I got my first taste of being bugged when a nice older “ministry” lady, during those days came up to me and said, “Someday, when your children are all tucked away, perhaps you can have a ministry too.” I guess, in my ignorance, I thought I was having ministry as I helped my husband, mothered our children, and kept house. Silly me. I had four little children and they seemed to need me. Carl was very busy in seminary and serving as Pastor of Evangelism at a large church, and he had just been asked to head up the Executive Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. And I was quite content teaching the Bible to my children, leading them to Christ, having them as my disciples and doing “ministry” from my kitchen sink, the playground, the supper table, and the back yard. You know, from the home. Didn’t know that this wasn’t real ministry.
I attended a “strategic planning meeting” with Carl in one of the exclusive hotels in Dallas because we were going to start a Bible study for executives and plan evangelistic outreach dinner parties with the “up-and-outers” in the Dallas Community. It was as we walked to the elevator after the meeting that the woman took my hand in hers and encouraged me to hope for a ministry one day.
She certainly didn’t encourage me as a mother. No – in fact, had I not had deep convictions rooted in Scripture, I might have been tempted to think that what I was doing at home had no ministry significance whatsoever.
See, a woman like me fulfilling her God-given role at home was obviously not ministry according to this older woman and the rest of the Christian world. I was getting the message – though I was not going to give in. The stakes were too high. The only thing that seemed to matter to this Christian “ministry” woman and so many others like her was outside the home. Doing stuff outside the home, ministering to other women – really ministering to anybody other than a husband and children ~ was the only real ministry.
And didn’t I know that I couldn’t learn the Bible by teaching it to my own children or children in my neighborhood or children at church?
That kind of stuff ~ well, that was OK ~ but it was not where the action was. It certainly wasn’t where REAL ministry took place. REAL ministry would happen someday when my children were all tucked away – you know, out of my hair and out of my house.
Hmmm. What that nice older woman didn’t realize was that her words would pierce my heart and further me on my journey to study God’s Word about “women in ministry.”
See, the family can always take the back seat ~ even for the sake of “the call.” You know what they say, “God will take care of the children for the sake of ministry.”
This is the mindset ~ home and family, domestic things, you know things like preparing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, educating the children – all that stuff – is in the way of ministry, those things interfere with your walk with God, and certainly all that stuff gets in the way of fun and personal time.
The mindset in our American Culture, even among believers, is that we must “get rid of” the domestic scene to have ministry.
Hmmm, again. If that’s true, makes me wonder why God spends so much time in His word instructing in these domestic issues.
After all, He is One Who made woman to be a helper suitable for her husband and called her “mother” right in Genesis. He is the Author of Proverbs 31 and showed us how domestic she was and that it should be her husband and children who would call her blessed. At least, they are the ones who should call her blessed.
I guess somewhere along the way, Christian women decided to listen to Betty Friedan and decided they’d rather have the corporate world, or the “real ministry” world, or the girl’s club, or all the women out there call them blessed.
Yet Scripture is oh so clear. God is also the One Who said He wanted young widows to get married, bear children, and keep house in keeping with the role of young women. He is the One Who described a godly older woman as someone who has brought up children and been the wife of one man among other things. He’s the One Who said He wants women to be workers at home and included a laundry list (no pun intended) of 6 other domestic duties in Titus 2:3-5.
And guess who are supposed to teach the women how to do these domestic things? Surprise! Older women. Hmmmm for the third time, I think that’s a tough sell in our day of “ministry women.” Oh the older will clamor to teach all right – they’ll teach like the men – but the list in Titus? Isn’t that a little, um, sexist?
I mean, how can you teach something you’ve never done or that you don’t believe is all that important?
Think about it. If you do women’s ministry God’s way, will you be traveling all over the country (and/or world) consistently leaving the domestic scene? Will you be “put up” in nice hotels and receive per diem for your meals? Will you get top billing with men to whom you are not married?
I don’t think so. And you won’t have a million dollar publishing industry pushing you to an adoring public, you won’t be a celebrity – except to little fans who ask you for more than your autograph and a picture – they want you to read a story. And you certainly won’t have a personal assistant making your appointments and answering your correspondence unless, of course, you train your children to do it and then they will grow up leaving you to fend for yourself. Nope – better employ some other mothers to do those things so you are freed up and they can have “real ministry” too.
And you won’t get to leave your home for extended times of “seclusion” so you can “hear from God” and write Bible studies to tell women how to live in His presence. Imagine that. You’ll have to learn to hear from God and live in His presence while making sandwiches for toddlers who like peanut butter. You’ll have to lunch with a 4-year-old who asks how stars stay in the sky rather than discuss your husband with board members at Starbucks.
You’ll have to settle for a relaxed wardrobe rather than Kate Spade or Prada or Marc Jacobs. You won’t have a stage or bright lights or a worship band unless you count your kitchen table, a few flashlights on a dark night, and kids singing.
You know, I once went to Precept Training Institute or whatever it is that they call it. I was a young pastor’s wife, 31 years old, with 4 small children. The women in our church wanted a women’s Bible study and they asked me to teach it.
I wasn’t really sure if this was the right time of my life to be doing this but I sought the training – I wanted to do it right. I will never forget pulling out of my driveway that Friday night (the training would begin in the evening and last all day on Saturday) and seeing my little boy Grant, who was 2, crying his eyes out. My heart ached. But I was going to be trained for “ministry.” I was told my child would “get over it because this was ministry and it was worth it.” Who propagated that lie? I believe it was Hannah who chose not to go to the feast after Samuel was born and that is exactly the time she exulted God and He recorded it in Scripture for all of us to read. I haven’t regretted too much over the years of raising my children – but that evening leaving Grant is one I do regret.
It wasn’t worth it. And I have to tell you – not once did those older women who led the training speak to me or any other of the young mothers there about seasons of life, about the priority of home and family. Not once did they challenge me about God’s very specific instructions in His Word about the high and holy ministry of home and family. Not once.
Yet that’s exactly what God says the older women are to teach the younger women. That laundry list in Titus doesn’t get top billing at a woman’s ministry conference.
Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area. They seem to see the years of raising a family as something to “get through” till you can get to real ministry. Nice older ministry ladies.
It is so sad.
To further make this point, I read with dismay an article in Christianity Today about Ann Graham Lotz on this very issue. Perhaps you know that at 18, she married Dan Lotz, a dentist and former University of North Carolina basketball star. By 21, she had three children and felt stifled:
"It is just being in a small home and small children, small little toys and small little words, and you just feel trapped," she recalled.
"I wasn't handling it very well. I was losing my temper. I wasn't patient. I wasn't kind. I wasn't loving. I wasn't the kind of mother ... my mother is."
She decided she needed to fix her "relationship with God." When Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh didn't have a Bible study class she could attend, she started one.
I read the article with great sadness as I wondered, “Where were the godly older women in her life who could help her fix her “relationship with God.”
Where were the ones God commanded to help young women know how to biblically love husbands and children? Where were the ones who could help her see home as ministry?
I know where they were – they were listening to the call of Woman Folly. The woman personified in Proverbs who calls out to the naïve, “Turn in here.” Christian women in the 50’s and 60’s listened and neglected the home, the family, and turned to other “gods.” Armed with college degrees, a growing women’s movement, birth control, reproductive freedom and I-don’t-need-a-man mentality; some sought careers, others sought playtime and leisure, while others were bored finding new ways of freeing themselves from responsibility.
All seemed to think home was drudgery. So a young woman is overwhelmed by little children? Find childcare; let someone else raise your little intruders while you fill your life with meaning. One such woman who decided to leave the home for a career was offended when her own father asked, “But who will take care of the children?” Christian women found childcare all right – down at the local conservative church. These women were encouraged by the “Christians” who would provide that “family” environment for the children who only wanted Mama. Some of these women weren’t pursuing careers though and they weren’t out doing all the godless things – no way – they were having Bible study 24/7 while the church daycare or the schools (Christian and public) were raising the children.
SAD.
As my blood boils over such things, I read Jill Briscoe’s article in Veritas. Remember I told you I’d come back to it. And I think you’ll see why. She writes:
“So suddenly I found myself with three kids and my husband gone for 10 months of the year for 10 years, and I had run out. I had become a ministry widow. After a bit, fortunately, I cried out to my “Elijah” – my Elijah was the wife of Major Thomas.
So I went to her, and I remember it took me a long time to swallow my pride and say, ‘I have had it, I am bankrupt; I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m not the good little missionary wife I thought I was. I want my husband back. They think I am a widow every time I go and watch the soccer games. I can’t do it.’
I expected her to take well-worn Bible verses and hit me over the head with them, but she didn’t.”
So – here we have the picture – a young wife and mother seeking an older wife and mother for godly counsel about her life. Good, this is the way it should be . . . but what kind of counsel does Mrs. Thomas give?
“Instead she said, ‘It is hard, isn’t it?’‘It is over ‘hard,’’ I replied.
‘I haven’t got it. Nothing is left.’She looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yes, you have the little pot of oil, Jill.’ Then Mrs. Thomas took a deep breath (and she told me afterward that she took a big risk) and said, ‘I’m going to send you a couple of Bible students tonight, and I want you to go out with the outreach team. You have been shut up in that little lodge with three small children, you are away from everything that is happening, and you haven’t been involved in anything your heart loves.’”
I couldn’t believe it – oh wait – I can believe it. She describes a woman in the home exactly the way satan himself would want.
“Shut up with three small children. (They’re pains, aren’t they?) “Away from everything that is happening.” (Not much to mold and shape in the home – nothing happening there, right?) “Not involved in anything her heart loves.” (Not much to love in the home, either, right?)
first time I read Mrs. Thomas’ reply to this then young woman, I was so angry. I still am. But this explains so much. And it explains why Mrs. Briscoe, years later, could write for www.parsonage.org:
“A mother needs to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.”
Really? I have 5 children and it has been their stimulation, their curiosity, their questions that have kept me fresh and up on things. And my spiritual education? Their questions alone have driven me to God’s Word. Real questions such as: “Who made God? How do the stars stay in the sky, does God glue them?” “What happens to our stuff when we die?” “Will Jesus come to the ground again?” “Before I was born, did you always want a Jordan?” Where was I before I was born?” “Do dogs and cats go to heaven?” “Why does Daddy put people in the water?” “What does God look like?” “Since Jesus lives in our hearts, when we eat food, does it drop on His head?” “How did you know I was lying?”
Intellectual education? "Why did the people leave England? What does infinity mean? I love you infinity times, mommy. Tell me about the Alamo. Explain long division again. Why do people kill babies in their tummies? How did the first people get chicken pox? Why do I have to get shots? Why does the spider’s egg sac look like a paper bag? How come . . . why . . .when . . ."
But didn’t I know, “When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them?”
I thought that was nonsense when my children were little and I think it is even more nonsense today. Frankly, I would rather think, eat, and talk like a lot of children I know ~ childlike wonder, trust, dependence, hope, excitement, ~ rather than some of the adults I know ~ cranky, cynical, distrust, moody, depressed
Jesus’ words ring in my head ~ “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”
But didn’t I know that, “Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things?”
What is it that I need to be up on that I can’t be up on if children are around? I should be up on the world and teach my children about the world. Listen, it is and has been through the teaching and instruction of my children, both intellectually and spiritually, that has kept me fresh and up on things.
And lest you think this is the mindset of just Mrs. Briscoe, Mrs. Thomas, Mrs. Moore, and Mrs. Lotz, think again. This is the mindset of thousands of Christian women. I get so many invitations to women’s ministry events for women leaders and NOT ONCE do they teach about the roles for women God has outlined in Scripture. How can they?
Since when did God say that children shut you up, keep you away from all that is happening, and not involved in anything your heart loves? Never, not once. You search all of Scripture and you’ll never find that kind of thought. In fact, you’ll find just the opposite. See, God says that children are fruit of the womb, blessings, rewards, arrows in the hand of a warrior. Oh, Christians will affirm that truth with their lips – but their hearts are very far from it. It’s no wonder God says that young women need to be taught to love their children.
Imagine if another young woman in another time had come to Mrs. Thomas or Mrs. Briscoe or Mrs. Lotz for advice. Would they have said, “You have been shut up in that stable with a small baby, away from everything that is happening and not involved in anything your heart loves?” Would they have encouraged her to seek adult interaction? Would they have indulged her sense of “feeling stifled?” Would they have told her to start a Bible Study and put her child in the Synagogue daycare? Would they have encouraged Mary to find fulfillment somewhere else other than where God had placed her?
I doubt it. But it’s happening all over our nation. Women Bible teachers – women in ministry are giving lousy advice to the next generation. If you’re a young mother – better watch out.
It’s a good thing Mary had Elizabeth. And it’s a good thing Mary knew the Word of God – His word alone quiets the frustrations of a young mother and causes her soul to exult in Him.
And nowadays – that’s all we have.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Why Women Are Unhappy
by Phyllis Schlafly
June 19, 2009
The National Bureau of Economic Research released a study to be published soon in the American Economic Journal that shows women's happiness has measurably declined since 1970. It's no surprise that this has stimulated much comment.
This study covers the same time period as the rise of the so-called women's liberation or feminist movement. The correlation demands an explanation.
One theory advanced by the authors, University of Pennsylvania economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, is that the women's liberation movement "raised women's expectations" (sold them a bill of goods), making them feel inadequate when they fail to have it all. A second theory is that the demands on women who are both mothers and jobholders in the labor force are overwhelming.
I'm neither an economist nor a psychologist, but I'll join the conversation with my own armchair analysis. Another theory could be that the feminist movement taught women to see themselves as victims of an oppressive patriarchy in which their true worth will never be recognized and any success is beyond their reach.
Feminist organizations such as the National Organization for Women held consciousness-raising sessions where they exchanged tales of how badly some man had treated them. Grievances are like flowers; if you water them, they will grow, and self-imposed victimhood is not a recipe for happiness.
Another theory could be the increase in easy divorce and illegitimacy (now 40 percent of American births are to single moms), which means that millions of women are raising kids without a husband and therefore expect Big Brother government to substitute as provider. The 2008 election returns showed that 70 percent of unmarried women voted for Barack Obama, perhaps hoping to be beneficiaries of his "spread the wealth" policies.
In the pre-1970 era, when surveys showed women with higher levels of happiness, most men held jobs that enabled their wives to be fulltime homemakers. The private enterprise system constantly produces goods that make household work and kiddie care easier (such as dryers, dishwashers and paper diapers).
Betty Friedan started the feminist movement in the late 1960s with her book The Feminine Mystique, which created the myth that suburban housewives were suffering from "a sense of dissatisfaction" with their alleged-to-be-boring lives. To liberate women from the home that Friedan labeled "a comfortable concentration camp," the feminist movement worked tirelessly to make the role of fulltime homemaker socially disdained.
Economic need played no role in the feminist argument that marriage is archaic and oppressive to women. A job in the labor force was upheld as so much more fulfilling than tending babies and preparing dinner for a hard-working husband.
Women's studies courses require students to accept as an article of faith the silly notion that gender differences are not natural or biological but are social constructs created by the patriarchy and ancient stereotypes. This leads feminists to seek legislative corrections for problems that don't exist.
A former editor of the Ladies' Home Journal wrote in her book Spin Sisters that the anorexic blondes on television are every day selling the falsehood that women's lives are full of misery and threats from men. Bernard Goldberg calls the mainstream media "one of America's most pro-feminist institutions."
According to feminist ideology, the only gender-specific characteristic is that men are naturally batterers who make all women victims. On that theory, the feminists conned Congress into passing the Violence Against Women Act (note the sex discriminatory title), which includes a handout of a billion dollars a year to finance their political, legislative and judicial goals.
The feminists whine endlessly using their favorite word "choice" in matters of abortion, but they reject choice in gender roles. The Big Mama of feminist studies, Simone de Beauvoir, said, "We don't believe that any woman should have this choice. No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children . . . precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one."
The feminists have carried on a long-running campaign to make husbands and fathers unnecessary and irrelevant. Most divorces are initiated by women, and more women than men request same-sex marriage licenses in Massachusetts so that, with two affirmative-action jobs plus in vitro fertilization, they can create a "family" without husbands or fathers.
Despite the false messages of the colleges and the media, most American women are smart enough to reject the label feminist, and only 20 percent of mothers say they want full-time work in the labor force. I suggest that women suffering from unhappiness should look into how women are treated in the rest of the world, and then maybe American women would realize they are the most fortunate people on earth.
by Phyllis Schlafly
June 19, 2009
The National Bureau of Economic Research released a study to be published soon in the American Economic Journal that shows women's happiness has measurably declined since 1970. It's no surprise that this has stimulated much comment.
This study covers the same time period as the rise of the so-called women's liberation or feminist movement. The correlation demands an explanation.
One theory advanced by the authors, University of Pennsylvania economists Betsey Stevenson and Justin Wolfers, is that the women's liberation movement "raised women's expectations" (sold them a bill of goods), making them feel inadequate when they fail to have it all. A second theory is that the demands on women who are both mothers and jobholders in the labor force are overwhelming.
I'm neither an economist nor a psychologist, but I'll join the conversation with my own armchair analysis. Another theory could be that the feminist movement taught women to see themselves as victims of an oppressive patriarchy in which their true worth will never be recognized and any success is beyond their reach.
Feminist organizations such as the National Organization for Women held consciousness-raising sessions where they exchanged tales of how badly some man had treated them. Grievances are like flowers; if you water them, they will grow, and self-imposed victimhood is not a recipe for happiness.
Another theory could be the increase in easy divorce and illegitimacy (now 40 percent of American births are to single moms), which means that millions of women are raising kids without a husband and therefore expect Big Brother government to substitute as provider. The 2008 election returns showed that 70 percent of unmarried women voted for Barack Obama, perhaps hoping to be beneficiaries of his "spread the wealth" policies.
In the pre-1970 era, when surveys showed women with higher levels of happiness, most men held jobs that enabled their wives to be fulltime homemakers. The private enterprise system constantly produces goods that make household work and kiddie care easier (such as dryers, dishwashers and paper diapers).
Betty Friedan started the feminist movement in the late 1960s with her book The Feminine Mystique, which created the myth that suburban housewives were suffering from "a sense of dissatisfaction" with their alleged-to-be-boring lives. To liberate women from the home that Friedan labeled "a comfortable concentration camp," the feminist movement worked tirelessly to make the role of fulltime homemaker socially disdained.
Economic need played no role in the feminist argument that marriage is archaic and oppressive to women. A job in the labor force was upheld as so much more fulfilling than tending babies and preparing dinner for a hard-working husband.
Women's studies courses require students to accept as an article of faith the silly notion that gender differences are not natural or biological but are social constructs created by the patriarchy and ancient stereotypes. This leads feminists to seek legislative corrections for problems that don't exist.
A former editor of the Ladies' Home Journal wrote in her book Spin Sisters that the anorexic blondes on television are every day selling the falsehood that women's lives are full of misery and threats from men. Bernard Goldberg calls the mainstream media "one of America's most pro-feminist institutions."
According to feminist ideology, the only gender-specific characteristic is that men are naturally batterers who make all women victims. On that theory, the feminists conned Congress into passing the Violence Against Women Act (note the sex discriminatory title), which includes a handout of a billion dollars a year to finance their political, legislative and judicial goals.
The feminists whine endlessly using their favorite word "choice" in matters of abortion, but they reject choice in gender roles. The Big Mama of feminist studies, Simone de Beauvoir, said, "We don't believe that any woman should have this choice. No woman should be authorized to stay at home to raise her children . . . precisely because if there is such a choice, too many women will make that one."
The feminists have carried on a long-running campaign to make husbands and fathers unnecessary and irrelevant. Most divorces are initiated by women, and more women than men request same-sex marriage licenses in Massachusetts so that, with two affirmative-action jobs plus in vitro fertilization, they can create a "family" without husbands or fathers.
Despite the false messages of the colleges and the media, most American women are smart enough to reject the label feminist, and only 20 percent of mothers say they want full-time work in the labor force. I suggest that women suffering from unhappiness should look into how women are treated in the rest of the world, and then maybe American women would realize they are the most fortunate people on earth.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Mothering and Ministry
I have been checking in with Stay at Home Missionary, Joy, at http://sahmissionary.blogspot.com/. She posted this today. She did a wonderful job of putting into writing what God's been teaching me for a few years now.
As a missionary, many people ask me what I see as my role in ministry. I'd like to share from Scripture and my experience concerning what I believe a married wife and mother’s place in ministry should be.
First and foremost, I believe that, as wives, our primary role is one of support. As a wife, it is my primary focus to make sure that my home is an oasis for my hardworking husband, making sure he has good meals, clean clothes, and lots of encouragement. There is much more I'd like to say about this, but for this post I want to focus on the role of mothering.
As a mother, my role is to train my children in "the way they should go". The home should be a "training ground" in which I impart wisdom to my little ones by teaching them about God, His Word, and life. "She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26.
Where did we get the idea that to be a godly woman we must participate in all church activities, as well as lead as many of them as we possibly can? There is this idea that doing "ministry" can only take place outside the home, and that only "real" ministry can be done when the husband and kids are out of the way. Mothering these days is looked at as something to get through, or get away from so that we can do "real ministry". Well, we didn't get this idea from Scripture, because Scripture is clear. Dear ladies, what are our children doing while we are out "doing" ministry, and who is watching them?
God has given us such an important ministry!! He has entrusted us with little souls that are searching for truth. What could be more important than that? Yes, there is lots of ministry that we could be doing outside the home. But then, where would our precious children be? The only One we should be concerned with pleasing is the Lord. What is His plan for our lives in ministry? He is so clear. Our first, our primary, our most important ministry, is right in our homes, training our little ones.
"..so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands that the Word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:3-5. This, as women, is our primary ministry. This, in and of itself, is enough. And may I add, exactly what God has called us to. More than anything, I want this verse to be true in my life, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4
So, if our primary role is mainly in the home, what can ministry to others look like? Let me just clarify that I am speaking mainly towards women with young children. Since that is the stage of life I am in, I could never speak to women older than I am and/or outside my stage of life.
First, before you think of expanding your realm of ministry in any capacity, you need to look around and ask yourself honestly, "Is my family cared for to the very best of my ability?" and "Is there something that I could be doing for them, that I'm not doing now?" Whatever ideas you have about ministry need to be discussed with your husband first, and then prayed about to seek God's leading. So, what kind of ministry am I talking about?
First and foremost, wherever you go, whether it is to Wal-Mart or McDonald's, always seek to share the love of Christ.
Make sure that you are the "sweet aroma of Christ" anywhere and everywhere you go! Here are some simple ideas to get you started:
-Hospitality is a great area for the whole family to get involved. Invite your unsaved neighbors over for a meal. Here in Indonesia, I enjoy walking around with the kids and getting to know our neighbors. This has produced many wonderful friendships.
-Make sure friends and family know that they are welcome to drop in anytime, for a meal or for a night.
-Invite a single girl from church over to your home. She will feel honored and blessed by your invitation. Your house doesn't need to be spotless, you don't need to serve the best meal, just making your guests feel welcome and wanted is enough.
Find something that you and your children can do together to reach out to the community.
Some simple ideas might include:
-Prepare a meal as a family, and take it to a sick friend, a new mom, or an elderly member of your church. The kids will think it's great fun to help mommy cook, and then to share their creation with others.
-If you are baking for your family, make extra. Then get the kids and all go together to deliver it to a friend. Why? Just for fun...the recipient is surprised and the kids think that it is great fun.
-Have your kids write special notes to elderly members of your church or local rest home and then deliver them. Notes from little ones will melt any heart.
Any of these things can greatly enhance your life, as well as the lives of your children. However, you need to make sure you keep it all in perspective. If you're making a casserole for the family down the road, but have nothing to feed your family, perhaps it's time to rethink your priorities.
Blessings!!
Posted by Joy @ SAH Missionary
As a missionary, many people ask me what I see as my role in ministry. I'd like to share from Scripture and my experience concerning what I believe a married wife and mother’s place in ministry should be.
First and foremost, I believe that, as wives, our primary role is one of support. As a wife, it is my primary focus to make sure that my home is an oasis for my hardworking husband, making sure he has good meals, clean clothes, and lots of encouragement. There is much more I'd like to say about this, but for this post I want to focus on the role of mothering.
As a mother, my role is to train my children in "the way they should go". The home should be a "training ground" in which I impart wisdom to my little ones by teaching them about God, His Word, and life. "She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is on her tongue." Proverbs 31:26.
Where did we get the idea that to be a godly woman we must participate in all church activities, as well as lead as many of them as we possibly can? There is this idea that doing "ministry" can only take place outside the home, and that only "real" ministry can be done when the husband and kids are out of the way. Mothering these days is looked at as something to get through, or get away from so that we can do "real ministry". Well, we didn't get this idea from Scripture, because Scripture is clear. Dear ladies, what are our children doing while we are out "doing" ministry, and who is watching them?
God has given us such an important ministry!! He has entrusted us with little souls that are searching for truth. What could be more important than that? Yes, there is lots of ministry that we could be doing outside the home. But then, where would our precious children be? The only One we should be concerned with pleasing is the Lord. What is His plan for our lives in ministry? He is so clear. Our first, our primary, our most important ministry, is right in our homes, training our little ones.
"..so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands that the Word of God will not be dishonored." Titus 2:3-5. This, as women, is our primary ministry. This, in and of itself, is enough. And may I add, exactly what God has called us to. More than anything, I want this verse to be true in my life, "I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 1:4
So, if our primary role is mainly in the home, what can ministry to others look like? Let me just clarify that I am speaking mainly towards women with young children. Since that is the stage of life I am in, I could never speak to women older than I am and/or outside my stage of life.
First, before you think of expanding your realm of ministry in any capacity, you need to look around and ask yourself honestly, "Is my family cared for to the very best of my ability?" and "Is there something that I could be doing for them, that I'm not doing now?" Whatever ideas you have about ministry need to be discussed with your husband first, and then prayed about to seek God's leading. So, what kind of ministry am I talking about?
First and foremost, wherever you go, whether it is to Wal-Mart or McDonald's, always seek to share the love of Christ.
Make sure that you are the "sweet aroma of Christ" anywhere and everywhere you go! Here are some simple ideas to get you started:
-Hospitality is a great area for the whole family to get involved. Invite your unsaved neighbors over for a meal. Here in Indonesia, I enjoy walking around with the kids and getting to know our neighbors. This has produced many wonderful friendships.
-Make sure friends and family know that they are welcome to drop in anytime, for a meal or for a night.
-Invite a single girl from church over to your home. She will feel honored and blessed by your invitation. Your house doesn't need to be spotless, you don't need to serve the best meal, just making your guests feel welcome and wanted is enough.
Find something that you and your children can do together to reach out to the community.
Some simple ideas might include:
-Prepare a meal as a family, and take it to a sick friend, a new mom, or an elderly member of your church. The kids will think it's great fun to help mommy cook, and then to share their creation with others.
-If you are baking for your family, make extra. Then get the kids and all go together to deliver it to a friend. Why? Just for fun...the recipient is surprised and the kids think that it is great fun.
-Have your kids write special notes to elderly members of your church or local rest home and then deliver them. Notes from little ones will melt any heart.
Any of these things can greatly enhance your life, as well as the lives of your children. However, you need to make sure you keep it all in perspective. If you're making a casserole for the family down the road, but have nothing to feed your family, perhaps it's time to rethink your priorities.
Blessings!!
Posted by Joy @ SAH Missionary
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