This Women in Ministry Thing

This Women in Ministry Thing
Spring/Summer 2006 Edition
Apr 18 2006
http://www.mfth.org/publication.html?ID=126&pagename=mfthjournal&a=77091851

Before you read this journal, let me say something. I don't have a personal problem with Jill Briscoe or Ann Graham Lotz or Beth Moore or Kay Arthur or any of the rest of the celebrity women Bible teachers. I'm sure they love the Lord - I don't doubt their zeal for a moment. However, I strongly disagree with their ministry lifestyles and how they model such lifestyles for young women. I believe they are wrong and are (though perhaps unintentionally) having a negative influence on the family. I pray for them because their influence is huge and it encourages a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture even if that is not what they mean to do. Though it seems at times that I am a lone voice, and though you may not like what you’re about to read, this is the way I see it.

OK. Everyone relaxed? Now continue reading if you don't mind being challenged:

This whole “women in ministry thing” bugs me to death. I just read, with great disappointment Dallas Theological Seminary’s Veritas publication, Vol. 5, No. 2 April 2005.

Here is Jill Briscoe - the confessing egalitarian that she is – addressing men and dare I say, women, who are preparing for ministry at DTS’ Chafer Chapel on October 20, 2004. I will come back to Jill Briscoe in a moment. But I want to set the stage first.

This issue of women in ministry is very disturbing to me for a number of reasons. The first being I thought Dallas Seminary took the biblical view of women in ministry. My husband received his ThM from said school in 1988. I was busy helping him, keeping our home, raising our two toddler boys, giving birth to our daughter and subsequently our 3rd son. Yes, that would be 4 children in all – yes in seminary – and yes without my seeking employment outside the home and yes, we were determined to do it God’s way. We somehow didn’t think while preparing for a ministry profession we should practice a lifestyle inconsistent with Scripture. What a novel thought. Oh, I earned some extra income Proverbs 31-style from the home but neither my husband nor I were willing for me to give up my primary ministry in the home. How could we teach others to obey God if we saw ourselves as “exceptions” during our seminary years? And that brings me back to why the “women in ministry” thing bugs me to death.

I guess I got my first taste of being bugged when a nice older “ministry” lady, during those days came up to me and said, “Someday, when your children are all tucked away, perhaps you can have a ministry too.” I guess, in my ignorance, I thought I was having ministry as I helped my husband, mothered our children, and kept house. Silly me. I had four little children and they seemed to need me. Carl was very busy in seminary and serving as Pastor of Evangelism at a large church, and he had just been asked to head up the Executive Ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. And I was quite content teaching the Bible to my children, leading them to Christ, having them as my disciples and doing “ministry” from my kitchen sink, the playground, the supper table, and the back yard. You know, from the home. Didn’t know that this wasn’t real ministry.

I attended a “strategic planning meeting” with Carl in one of the exclusive hotels in Dallas because we were going to start a Bible study for executives and plan evangelistic outreach dinner parties with the “up-and-outers” in the Dallas Community. It was as we walked to the elevator after the meeting that the woman took my hand in hers and encouraged me to hope for a ministry one day.

She certainly didn’t encourage me as a mother. No – in fact, had I not had deep convictions rooted in Scripture, I might have been tempted to think that what I was doing at home had no ministry significance whatsoever.

See, a woman like me fulfilling her God-given role at home was obviously not ministry according to this older woman and the rest of the Christian world. I was getting the message – though I was not going to give in. The stakes were too high. The only thing that seemed to matter to this Christian “ministry” woman and so many others like her was outside the home. Doing stuff outside the home, ministering to other women – really ministering to anybody other than a husband and children ~ was the only real ministry.

And didn’t I know that I couldn’t learn the Bible by teaching it to my own children or children in my neighborhood or children at church?

That kind of stuff ~ well, that was OK ~ but it was not where the action was. It certainly wasn’t where REAL ministry took place. REAL ministry would happen someday when my children were all tucked away – you know, out of my hair and out of my house.

Hmmm. What that nice older woman didn’t realize was that her words would pierce my heart and further me on my journey to study God’s Word about “women in ministry.”

See, the family can always take the back seat ~ even for the sake of “the call.” You know what they say, “God will take care of the children for the sake of ministry.”

This is the mindset ~ home and family, domestic things, you know things like preparing meals, cleaning, doing laundry, educating the children – all that stuff – is in the way of ministry, those things interfere with your walk with God, and certainly all that stuff gets in the way of fun and personal time.

The mindset in our American Culture, even among believers, is that we must “get rid of” the domestic scene to have ministry.

Hmmm, again. If that’s true, makes me wonder why God spends so much time in His word instructing in these domestic issues.

After all, He is One Who made woman to be a helper suitable for her husband and called her “mother” right in Genesis. He is the Author of Proverbs 31 and showed us how domestic she was and that it should be her husband and children who would call her blessed. At least, they are the ones who should call her blessed.

I guess somewhere along the way, Christian women decided to listen to Betty Friedan and decided they’d rather have the corporate world, or the “real ministry” world, or the girl’s club, or all the women out there call them blessed.

Yet Scripture is oh so clear. God is also the One Who said He wanted young widows to get married, bear children, and keep house in keeping with the role of young women. He is the One Who described a godly older woman as someone who has brought up children and been the wife of one man among other things. He’s the One Who said He wants women to be workers at home and included a laundry list (no pun intended) of 6 other domestic duties in Titus 2:3-5.

And guess who are supposed to teach the women how to do these domestic things? Surprise! Older women. Hmmmm for the third time, I think that’s a tough sell in our day of “ministry women.” Oh the older will clamor to teach all right – they’ll teach like the men – but the list in Titus? Isn’t that a little, um, sexist?

I mean, how can you teach something you’ve never done or that you don’t believe is all that important?

Think about it. If you do women’s ministry God’s way, will you be traveling all over the country (and/or world) consistently leaving the domestic scene? Will you be “put up” in nice hotels and receive per diem for your meals? Will you get top billing with men to whom you are not married?

I don’t think so. And you won’t have a million dollar publishing industry pushing you to an adoring public, you won’t be a celebrity – except to little fans who ask you for more than your autograph and a picture – they want you to read a story. And you certainly won’t have a personal assistant making your appointments and answering your correspondence unless, of course, you train your children to do it and then they will grow up leaving you to fend for yourself. Nope – better employ some other mothers to do those things so you are freed up and they can have “real ministry” too.

And you won’t get to leave your home for extended times of “seclusion” so you can “hear from God” and write Bible studies to tell women how to live in His presence. Imagine that. You’ll have to learn to hear from God and live in His presence while making sandwiches for toddlers who like peanut butter. You’ll have to lunch with a 4-year-old who asks how stars stay in the sky rather than discuss your husband with board members at Starbucks.

You’ll have to settle for a relaxed wardrobe rather than Kate Spade or Prada or Marc Jacobs. You won’t have a stage or bright lights or a worship band unless you count your kitchen table, a few flashlights on a dark night, and kids singing.

You know, I once went to Precept Training Institute or whatever it is that they call it. I was a young pastor’s wife, 31 years old, with 4 small children. The women in our church wanted a women’s Bible study and they asked me to teach it.

I wasn’t really sure if this was the right time of my life to be doing this but I sought the training – I wanted to do it right. I will never forget pulling out of my driveway that Friday night (the training would begin in the evening and last all day on Saturday) and seeing my little boy Grant, who was 2, crying his eyes out. My heart ached. But I was going to be trained for “ministry.” I was told my child would “get over it because this was ministry and it was worth it.” Who propagated that lie? I believe it was Hannah who chose not to go to the feast after Samuel was born and that is exactly the time she exulted God and He recorded it in Scripture for all of us to read. I haven’t regretted too much over the years of raising my children – but that evening leaving Grant is one I do regret.

It wasn’t worth it. And I have to tell you – not once did those older women who led the training speak to me or any other of the young mothers there about seasons of life, about the priority of home and family. Not once did they challenge me about God’s very specific instructions in His Word about the high and holy ministry of home and family. Not once.

Yet that’s exactly what God says the older women are to teach the younger women. That laundry list in Titus doesn’t get top billing at a woman’s ministry conference.

Over the years, I have learned that none of the big name women Bible teachers help women in this area. They seem to see the years of raising a family as something to “get through” till you can get to real ministry. Nice older ministry ladies.

It is so sad.

To further make this point, I read with dismay an article in Christianity Today about Ann Graham Lotz on this very issue. Perhaps you know that at 18, she married Dan Lotz, a dentist and former University of North Carolina basketball star. By 21, she had three children and felt stifled:

"It is just being in a small home and small children, small little toys and small little words, and you just feel trapped," she recalled.

"I wasn't handling it very well. I was losing my temper. I wasn't patient. I wasn't kind. I wasn't loving. I wasn't the kind of mother ... my mother is."

She decided she needed to fix her "relationship with God." When Providence Baptist Church in Raleigh didn't have a Bible study class she could attend, she started one.

I read the article with great sadness as I wondered, “Where were the godly older women in her life who could help her fix her “relationship with God.”

Where were the ones God commanded to help young women know how to biblically love husbands and children? Where were the ones who could help her see home as ministry?

I know where they were – they were listening to the call of Woman Folly. The woman personified in Proverbs who calls out to the naïve, “Turn in here.” Christian women in the 50’s and 60’s listened and neglected the home, the family, and turned to other “gods.” Armed with college degrees, a growing women’s movement, birth control, reproductive freedom and I-don’t-need-a-man mentality; some sought careers, others sought playtime and leisure, while others were bored finding new ways of freeing themselves from responsibility.

All seemed to think home was drudgery. So a young woman is overwhelmed by little children? Find childcare; let someone else raise your little intruders while you fill your life with meaning. One such woman who decided to leave the home for a career was offended when her own father asked, “But who will take care of the children?” Christian women found childcare all right – down at the local conservative church. These women were encouraged by the “Christians” who would provide that “family” environment for the children who only wanted Mama. Some of these women weren’t pursuing careers though and they weren’t out doing all the godless things – no way – they were having Bible study 24/7 while the church daycare or the schools (Christian and public) were raising the children.

SAD.

As my blood boils over such things, I read Jill Briscoe’s article in Veritas. Remember I told you I’d come back to it. And I think you’ll see why. She writes:

“So suddenly I found myself with three kids and my husband gone for 10 months of the year for 10 years, and I had run out. I had become a ministry widow. After a bit, fortunately, I cried out to my “Elijah” – my Elijah was the wife of Major Thomas.

So I went to her, and I remember it took me a long time to swallow my pride and say, ‘I have had it, I am bankrupt; I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m not the good little missionary wife I thought I was. I want my husband back. They think I am a widow every time I go and watch the soccer games. I can’t do it.’

I expected her to take well-worn Bible verses and hit me over the head with them, but she didn’t.”

So – here we have the picture – a young wife and mother seeking an older wife and mother for godly counsel about her life. Good, this is the way it should be . . . but what kind of counsel does Mrs. Thomas give?

“Instead she said, ‘It is hard, isn’t it?’‘It is over ‘hard,’’ I replied.

‘I haven’t got it. Nothing is left.’She looked at me and said, ‘Oh, yes, you have the little pot of oil, Jill.’ Then Mrs. Thomas took a deep breath (and she told me afterward that she took a big risk) and said, ‘I’m going to send you a couple of Bible students tonight, and I want you to go out with the outreach team. You have been shut up in that little lodge with three small children, you are away from everything that is happening, and you haven’t been involved in anything your heart loves.’”

I couldn’t believe it – oh wait – I can believe it. She describes a woman in the home exactly the way satan himself would want.

“Shut up with three small children. (They’re pains, aren’t they?) “Away from everything that is happening.” (Not much to mold and shape in the home – nothing happening there, right?) “Not involved in anything her heart loves.” (Not much to love in the home, either, right?)

first time I read Mrs. Thomas’ reply to this then young woman, I was so angry. I still am. But this explains so much. And it explains why Mrs. Briscoe, years later, could write for www.parsonage.org:

“A mother needs to continue her spiritual and intellectual education. When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them. Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things.”

Really? I have 5 children and it has been their stimulation, their curiosity, their questions that have kept me fresh and up on things. And my spiritual education? Their questions alone have driven me to God’s Word. Real questions such as: “Who made God? How do the stars stay in the sky, does God glue them?” “What happens to our stuff when we die?” “Will Jesus come to the ground again?” “Before I was born, did you always want a Jordan?” Where was I before I was born?” “Do dogs and cats go to heaven?” “Why does Daddy put people in the water?” “What does God look like?” “Since Jesus lives in our hearts, when we eat food, does it drop on His head?” “How did you know I was lying?”

Intellectual education? "Why did the people leave England? What does infinity mean? I love you infinity times, mommy. Tell me about the Alamo. Explain long division again. Why do people kill babies in their tummies? How did the first people get chicken pox? Why do I have to get shots? Why does the spider’s egg sac look like a paper bag? How come . . . why . . .when . . ."

But didn’t I know, “When an adult is around small children all day, she tends to think, eat, and talk like them?”

I thought that was nonsense when my children were little and I think it is even more nonsense today. Frankly, I would rather think, eat, and talk like a lot of children I know ~ childlike wonder, trust, dependence, hope, excitement, ~ rather than some of the adults I know ~ cranky, cynical, distrust, moody, depressed

Jesus’ words ring in my head ~ “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like children, you shall not enter the kingdom of heaven. “Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

But didn’t I know that, “Adult company and stimulation helps keep her fresh and up on things?”

What is it that I need to be up on that I can’t be up on if children are around? I should be up on the world and teach my children about the world. Listen, it is and has been through the teaching and instruction of my children, both intellectually and spiritually, that has kept me fresh and up on things.

And lest you think this is the mindset of just Mrs. Briscoe, Mrs. Thomas, Mrs. Moore, and Mrs. Lotz, think again. This is the mindset of thousands of Christian women. I get so many invitations to women’s ministry events for women leaders and NOT ONCE do they teach about the roles for women God has outlined in Scripture. How can they?

Since when did God say that children shut you up, keep you away from all that is happening, and not involved in anything your heart loves? Never, not once. You search all of Scripture and you’ll never find that kind of thought. In fact, you’ll find just the opposite. See, God says that children are fruit of the womb, blessings, rewards, arrows in the hand of a warrior. Oh, Christians will affirm that truth with their lips – but their hearts are very far from it. It’s no wonder God says that young women need to be taught to love their children.

Imagine if another young woman in another time had come to Mrs. Thomas or Mrs. Briscoe or Mrs. Lotz for advice. Would they have said, “You have been shut up in that stable with a small baby, away from everything that is happening and not involved in anything your heart loves?” Would they have encouraged her to seek adult interaction? Would they have indulged her sense of “feeling stifled?” Would they have told her to start a Bible Study and put her child in the Synagogue daycare? Would they have encouraged Mary to find fulfillment somewhere else other than where God had placed her?

I doubt it. But it’s happening all over our nation. Women Bible teachers – women in ministry are giving lousy advice to the next generation. If you’re a young mother – better watch out.

It’s a good thing Mary had Elizabeth. And it’s a good thing Mary knew the Word of God – His word alone quiets the frustrations of a young mother and causes her soul to exult in Him.

And nowadays – that’s all we have.